Relationship Advice - How to Avoid and Settle Dispute With Your Partner
81Relationships are not perfect. Every once in a while we quarrel with our partner over some serious or not so serious matter. You have a bad day at work and you are stressed out and she/he starts to annoy you (it is another story if you are annoyed by just her/his presence---relationship burnt out). Whatever the reasons for your quarrel, I will recommend some tips on how to settle and avoid dispute with your partner.
Reasons for quarreling could be serious, like some financial matters or just mundane things like where did she put the toothpaste etc. Sometimes couples quarrel with the slightest provocations and it usually a symptoms of some bigger problems in the relationship.
The earlier that you can resolve your dispute, the better because sometimes it affects daily activities and output specially if you are living together.
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Tips on how to avoid and settle disputes with your partner:
- Give each other time to collect their thoughts and wait for a good timing to talk to your partner after you quarreled with them. Give each other space for reasonable amount of time. Approach your partner and ask for his/her when he is ready to talk. Don’t try to approach him/her when they are doing something or busy watching favorite sports etc.
- Be positive and do not immediately challenge your partner for a separation.
- Try to calm down and talk when you are both settled in. Here is a nice conversation statement for you to approach him/her:
Hey, want to have time to talk to your honey? I will buy you dinner later or your favorite food? Why use the food, everybody loves to eat their favorite food, it is a come on. If you approach them this way, it gets the impression that you care for them and want to share time for them. Or have a joke with them/inject humor say “Hi honey, a man from United Nations came here, and is looking for you, somebody sent him to settle our dispute. They don’t like to have another World war III in the making.
or
Honey, I prepared something for you, c’mon join me if you like, (then offer him/her some food which you know he/she will like ), then you can proceed from then on. Talk after you eat or whatever time he is available.
or
A note will do, say, I am sorry sweetheart, big lettering will do. Post it in a place where she can see it. You can overact on it and say. Honey you have to talk to me or else, I will kill my self and you are going to miss me. (just jokingly).
- Whether you think you are the one who cause the quarrel or not, it is good if you settle it immediately when the two of you are ready to talk. It doesn’t mean lowering yourself to the other person, but bear in mind that a relationship is not about oneself it is about the two of you together, making each other happy, in essence you become one. Always try to preserve a good relationship, nurturing it always. It is you who know your partner well so you know what approach is good for her/him.
- Be prepare on what you are going to tell your partner, try to avoid unkindly words and don’t try accusing them.
- Understand where the other is coming from.
- Be honest and tell your partner that you have been hurt and want to patch things up and ask what you can do to improve.
- Be sincere about it and if you tell your partner I promise to avoid doing it next time, then mean what you say. Actions speak louder than words. If you keep on promising and not fulfilling them, this is another story.
- Listen while they are talking and always try to understand where they are coming from. Always put your self in others shoes, try to ask yourself, if I do that to her, will she get hurt?
- Best confrontations are avoided if at the start of the relationship you lay your expectations.
- Apologize if you think you have mistake and you must mean your apology.
- Don’t nag and point an accusing finger at your partner
- Don’t dwell on the past and bring out past quarrels with your partner. Concentrate on the cause of your latest quarrel.
- Be sensitive to your partners wants and needs so that you will not quarrel in the first place
- And lastly the most important thing is to respect and love each other.
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if your partner is at fault, first try to think about what he/she did to you?Does he/she always do that knowing you wouldnt approve it or it hurt your feelings.lay your expectations, tell them what hurts you and then if they still do it, then I think they dont have respect for you, ask yourself, can I continue like this?If you decide that you cant continue anymore then you need to tell him and moved on, try also to give him second chance. It is really a matter of living with what that person is or you wont take crap of it.
Zee... that was helpful.. thanks... :)
Adnan Habib: thanks for dropping by!
is it cool to discuss past relationships(talk about eachother's exes)?
it is in general not good to discuss each other exes ==== maybe the good things you have learned from the past relationship, but never compare though. It also depend on your partner, many people doesn't want their partners exes in the picture even for discussion only. But in general it is a no no, Thank you for reading this one,
my wife quarrel with me because she feels fat (she is not obese) and end up we had a big quarrel and now ignoring each other...seriously i dont mind my wife getting fleshy and i have NEVER criticised on her weight before, in fact i even encourage on eating healthy...been 2days since we talk and we are strangers living together...she said im unreasonable but during the quarrel i even stressed that i dont even mind her getting fleshy which i thought may boost her confidence but she just said i dont understand...i wanted to talk and make up to her but she is just showing the face to me...im lost
Is that the only reason why you quarreled with each other? Maybe there is an underlying other probs? examine if there are other factors why you are quarreling.Women who gained weight are very sensitive.
You can help to boost her confidence by reassuring her that you love her come what may even in whatever size and that you care for her and that she needs to reduce weight for her own health. I eman you should mean it not by words only, let her feel she is the most beautiful woman for you.
Just give her time and she will talk to you soonest. If after writing a letter explaining your side and she is still stubborn, then you cant do anything anymore, wait for cooler heads, I hope you resolve your prob soon.
i lov dat
me and my boyfriend already break off.the reason is he found out that im cheating on him with other guy,yah its true but i didnt expect to cheat on him.i love him so much, but whatever word to impress him to come back to me, means like nothing to him now. He lost his trust towards me and guess he hate me so much now. what should i do?
if you stated your case and he doesn't want you anymore, then let time decide for it, don't force him, if he loves you, he will accept you again and then you can both work at it, I hope things will be better for the two of you and you will be back in each other arms again. Be sincere and let him have his time.
My problem is that i nag too much and dis sometimes brings about serious quarrels sumtymes she tries to avoid it by keeping queit bt when its too much she then talks back and we start quarreling. i truly love ma girl and i dont want to lose her.what do i do?
Hi Nana, You know the answer now, don't nag anymore. Tell her exactly what is it that you don't like, understand her more, putting yourself in her shoes. Love your gf, Maita
i had a problem with my boyfriend because we argue a lot due to he is not open to me... then i found out that he already had a child.. i still accepted him despite of that but i don't trust him anymore.. i always argue with him that he is not honest to me.. and now.. he bit changed that i don't feel his care like I've felt before.. he even caught me texting some other guy which worsen the scenario.. he got mad at me.. but he make up with me but he's a bit colder now.. i don't like the feeling.. what should i do?
talk to him, "trust that is lost maybe regained but will never be the same again only if you try hard". Stop texting other man altogether. You can bring back the feelings and closeness again if you talk to him and you worked hard for it, the two of you - not only you. Be a true loving gf for a change and you need to work for it, but first talk to him about his expectations, whats on his mind - most men will not talk, but you can have a hint. Good luck
Hi. I've already talked to him. but what had happened was he thought that I am the only one making the relationship worst. He said that nothing is wrong with the relationship. I said, if nothing is wrong, why am I feeling this way? I think he has another girl. He was known as a play boy. I want to break up with him, I tried so many times but then if he makes up with me, we always ended up to be together again. I hate it. I want to end our relationship but my heart can't deny that I love him and I couldn't let him go..
Thanks for the time.
I know that trust is difficult to build once it is broken, Maybe it is true that he has another woman, maybe not, but because he is like that before, then you can't seem to trust him anymore. If this is what you are feeling right now, then it is difficult because you can't have a good relationship if you can't trust him yet. He should work on it and you too.
The two of you can work on it, learn to trust him but be very vigilant of signals of cheating, are you living together? You must be in constant "emotional pain" because of this issue.
Other men change, others don't. Take care ok.
Hi. I've already talked to him. but what had happened was he thought that I am the only one making the relationship worst. He said that nothing is wrong with the relationship. I said, if nothing is wrong, why am I feeling this way? I think he has another girl. He was known as a play boy. I want to break up with him, I tried so many times but then if he makes up with me, we always ended up to be together again. I hate it. I want to end our relationship but my heart can't deny that I love him and I couldn't let him go..
Thanks for the time.
hi ome, read my response above your text, that is for you/
PDH,
i follow my own advice-before my accident- I used to "Stand and fight" with my wife- only on things I REALLY CARE ABOUT- but now- It seems- I just hve to go along with things... unfortunatly or fortunately my wife doesnt want me to just say .. whatever and she gets mad... and wants a decision....
TH
Oh by the way tyour lil baby in your picture is just TOO TOO CUTE.... She is adorable reminds me of 16 yrs ago when my daughter was little...congrats..
TH
Tom, Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it. Less conflict isn't it, but most women like their man to decide at times. How are you BTW? Maita
hi.mine is not a boyfrnd n grlfrnd issue..my partner and i are keeping malice..n we ar suposd 2 b working together..shes older both in age n in d business..it hurts me n its afecting my performance at work..i am nt at fault.
Hi Grace, Don't take it personal, try to work it out by being busy, if it gets too much in the way of your job, talk to the person, otherwise you have to move no if it bothers you so much. Otherwise being busy and keeping a distance is the best solution.
Hi,my hubby always get angry at me when i talk anything bad (whic is true) abt his siblings or thier spouses & end up quarelling...he dun seem to agree even if he knws that his relatives r in the wrong instead argues with me & supports them. As a wife i feel offended & feel he has no love or respect for me compared with them ! what shld i do?!
I think,you should take that as his weak,try to talk good abt his family,that is what he loves and enjoy,when he sees you with hym,he would realise
it's true inorder to safe our relation we must put our best,what to do when its only from one side.if other want it to break and i not.
my boyfriend and i has been together for 3 1/2 years.Lately we have alot of argument about the slightest things.But i love him and he love me.what can i do to get things back on track? I don't want to loose him
hi shy one, try to be more patient and know where he is coming from. At the same time be honest about what you feel. As long as they are not major quarrels, it is fine. In order for a relationship to grow sometimes you need to have misunderstandings but bear in mind to iron things out. Maybe you can analyze what are the small things you have been quarreling about and not to repeat it again. Good luck...Show some more affection and a good ear for listening...
hi,i had a dispute with ma wife though its not a daily thing but usually happen during end month when i arrive home from work and have an interest to talk to her about our progress in life she ignore me and have no interest to ma conversation. please assist
Hi iddi, what usually happens at the end of the month that triggers it? DO you know? If not then tell her that you need to talk when she is in a nice mood and not doing anything. Then if she agrees, you can go on a date perhaps and then dine in a quiet place and ask her what are her thoughts about things you like to talk about. Or you can just be casual by saying, Can I have a date with you, something like that, surely it will tickle her mind. And then when it is just the two of you, you can bring the topics you want to talk about.
Women sometimes need tender loving care specially when they are tired at home. Good luck.
My boyfriend and i quarel alot. I dnt think this relationship is working out. Worse of all is that am his punching bag. I know i have my weakneses too. Am really fed up, what do i do?
Hi Ela,
Don't be too hard on yourself, maybe it is time to look at your relationship and if it seems that it is not working for you, then just move on. Try to list the things that you are quarreling about and talk to him about it, if this has been a recurring problem, and you think that he will not change then it is time for you to say goodbye. Being a punching bag means he does not love you because if he loves you he will not hurt you like that. Good luck, it is New Year and it is time to love yourself more.
I would like to start off by saying that I love my husband dearly, but my marriage is in deep trouble. Im at the point where I dont know where to beguin to mend things. We had a horrible fight, and it escaleted from a verbal spat, to a physical one. The authorotiies where even called out. It was a very heavy dispute. What to do now? I surely do not want to resolute to divorce. The love is there, but after this, I feel as if all respect has gone out the window. How should I approach, and when? He even made the decision to leave. Im completely lost at this point, is it even worth pursuing?
Hi,i'm with ma girlfriend for last year bt,presently we are doing nothing than quarrels...i don't like when she doesn't give importance to ma presence bt whn i left her alone she miss me n had started weeping & i cann't see her like this as i love her more than anything in this world.at same tym when we face each other we start commiting on each other special i...wht should to make our realtion on track.i don't want to lose her
Hi vane 123, Give yourself some time alone, examine the situation and think about the value of what is going on to your children's lives, (if you have children), then pay attention to the consequences of these type of situation to yourself and the kids. Being physical when you argue is not good at all. Be strong and things will work things out for the better always. Tell him that you need to talk when things are not that heated anymore. Talk about your expectations, where you are coming from and also understand what he is telling you. You can proceed from there.
Walk away if he is always doing these things to you. Self examination is also needed and if he is being abusive and you think it can't be worked out anymore, just walk away.
Take care.
hi!!I hav been wid ma bf from last 7yrs but now v hav startd fighting very much...he used to lov me lyk hell n he still do but now he wants evrythin perfect n starts quarrelin on small things...as a result I hv startd accusin him..I try to hurt him as much as possible by saying bad things abt him n his family. but afta some tym I feel guilty n apologize but nw he is tired of accused words but I just go mad wen m angry..wat should I do..plz help. .
I having this problems. my boyfriend do things behind me that i dont like. he create citysex and chatting with girls out there. what shall i do to approach him in this matter? help please! i feel so stress!
Ms Help Me, talk to him and tell him in a nice way that what he is doing is bothering you and you don't want him to do that. If he is still doing it after you told him, it is time for you to take a closer look at your relationship with him. Take care and don't upset yourself too much.
Hey i have a problem with my bf. He tells me he is bored of life then hes not receptive and doesnt want to talk he just wants to have his time so i give it to him. So i then ask him why is it that everytime he has a major issue in his life i have to be part of the problem, i ask him what it is this time and he says i dont flirt with him enough or initiate stuff and by letting me know that he compared me with other women and started telling me thay arent his gf but they do that. I dont find it fair and i dont like it when he always has a list of things i have to change for him anytime he has issues. I never have issues and no he isnt perfect either. What to do?
Hi Sharon, Just listen to his concerns and examine yourself if those are valid ones. Try to compromise Tell him what are his issues and that you are having problems with it as well. You can do thise by being calm and not argumentative. Tell him that you don't like that he needs to compare you with other women, and frankly comparing others ex, gf or just friends is not a good idea.
I think that most people not only men when they have a problem, they tend to sulk and some blame it on other people. Just a way for them to not confront what are the real problems in the first place.
Let him take his time and tell him you can talk further about when he is ready. If he really cares about you, then he will approach you in no time and you can talk about it.
Good luck and take care.
Hey, i feel like my partner has never forgiven me i know its had to move on and am not pressuring him to forget but everytime am always on the wrong even when i dont know what i have done, just recently i was accused of being not loving enough and yet he had locked me out and even if i tried he wouldnt let me. But we sorted that out but now i discovered that he went and said stuff to a stranger bout me even though i did it i dont think he should have done so.. Does this guy need a break from me? Do i need a break?
Hey, i feel like my partner has never forgiven me i know its had to move on and am not pressuring him to forget but everytime am always on the wrong even when i dont know what i have done, just recently i was accused of being not loving enough and yet he had locked me out and even if i tried he wouldnt let me. But we sorted that out but now i discovered that he went and said stuff to a stranger bout me even though i did it i dont think he should have done so.. Does this guy need a break from me? Do i need a break?
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prettydarkhorse you seem to be an expert on relationships. You gave some very good advice here when you are at fault. However, what would you do if your partner is at fault?